“Welcome to DoucheLeaks” by Peter Douche

It is my great honor to announce that DoucheLeaks, media platform for the 65 million StillWithering has officially “soft” launched. My wife of color and I co-founded this site with the intention of applying the lessons we learned from the mistakes of 2016, primarily that to counter propaganda, we must create our own.

Our distinguished journalists currently include Peter Douche, Russia Maddow, Kurt Eivgonebald, Markos Makesitso (polling), and Max Bootlick. Over the next few weeks, DoucheLeaks will expand it’s departments to include a fact-checking department, frequent news content, a fake-news warning system, a 2020 candidate section, a guest contributor section, a Russian dank meme vault, and many more innovative elements.

I ask that you reserve your judgment on the full potential of the site for the end of the month. By the Summer, we will be integrating high production quality short videos with voice over talent. Please be patient while my staff of unpaid interns becomes more proficient in web design. Over the next week expect a visual boost to the site as well, as the graphic design elements become upgraded and more professional branding is introduced.

I look forward to taking this journey together with you! Only through unity will we stop progressives from fixing our broken healthcare system. We can do this!

God Bless Hillary,

Peter Douche

The character “Peter Douche” and this article are both 100% parody.